What Actually Matters to You as a Parent?
Amy Dooley • August 31, 2026
If I asked you what matters most to you as a parent, you could probably give me an answer pretty quickly.
You might say connection. Respect. Kindness. Faith. Independence. Responsibility. Honesty. Family. Maybe you want your child to grow into someone who is compassionate, confident, resilient, or willing to stand up for what they believe in.
But then Tuesday morning happens.
Your child refuses to start the lesson you planned. They snap at you when you remind them of their chores. Their sibling walks through the room and suddenly they're arguing about something that seems completely unrelated. You're looking at the clock because you need to leave in forty minutes, the lesson still isn't finished, and now you're wondering whether you need to be firmer because lately it feels like nobody listens until you've asked five times.
In those moments, the question of what matters to us can become much less clear.
Not because we've stopped caring about our values, but because parenting rarely asks us to live them under ideal conditions.
It asks us to live them when we're tired, embarrassed, worried, rushed, frustrated, or staring at a child whose behavior is bringing up every fear we have about whether we're doing this right.
We're always parenting from something
Every parenting decision comes from somewhere.
When you decide that a behavior needs a boundary, you're using something to determine that the boundary matters. When you decide to give your child more autonomy, you're making a judgment about what matters.
When you require an apology, change a homeschool expectation, intervene in a sibling conflict, insist that something gets done, or decide that something really isn't worth fighting about, you're drawing from beliefs about children, relationships, responsibility, respect, learning, family, and the kind of person you hope your child becomes.
The tricky part is that we don't consciously examine all of those beliefs before we use them.
Some came from the way we were raised. Some came from school, church, culture, social media, parenting books, or people we respect. Some developed because of experiences we've had with our particular child. And some are connected to fears about what will happen if we don't respond a certain way.
So we can find ourselves parenting from a belief without ever stopping to ask whether it actually reflects what matters most to us.
Maybe you were taught that respectful children don't question adults, but you also deeply value raising a child who can advocate for themselves.
Maybe independence matters to you, but you find yourself stepping in quickly whenever your child struggles because watching them struggle is uncomfortable.
Maybe you value connection and emotional safety, but when your child becomes angry, your own nervous system becomes so activated that ending the behavior feels more urgent than understanding what's happening.
Then we find ourselves parenting from a belief without ever stopping to ask whether it actually reflects what matters most to us. And when we notice that happening, it gives us an opportunity to get curious about where that belief came from and whether it's one we still want guiding us.
Values get complicated when two good things collide
A lot of parenting decisions would be easier if there were always one obviously correct value at stake.
Usually there isn't.
You may value both kindness and honesty.
You may value your child's autonomy and your responsibility to lead them.
You may value perseverance and knowing when something genuinely needs to change.
You may value family connection and personal boundaries.
You may want your child to respect other people while also wanting them to question authority when something feels wrong.
You may value academic growth while also believing that your relationship with your child matters more than completing today's worksheet exactly as planned.
These aren't necessarily contradictions. They're tensions.
And homeschooling gives us opportunities to bump into those tensions constantly because so many roles overlap. You're the parent, teacher, boundary-holder, safe person, schedule-maker, advocate, and person trying to figure out whether your child needs encouragement to persist or permission to stop.
Consider a child who becomes overwhelmed during a difficult lesson.
If perseverance matters to you, you might feel strongly that they shouldn't simply quit whenever something gets hard. That's reasonable.
If emotional safety and responsiveness matter to you, you may also recognize that pushing a child whose nervous system is completely overwhelmed isn't necessarily teaching perseverance.
Now you're not choosing between caring and not caring.
You're trying to figure out how two things you care deeply about can coexist.
Fear can sound surprisingly similar to a value
This is where I think the conversation gets especially important for parents of kids with big behaviors.
Because when behavior is intense, repetitive, public, disruptive, or simply exhausting, fear can become very loud.
If I let this go, they'll think they can get away with everything.
If I help them with this, they'll never become independent.
If I don't give a consequence, they won't learn.
If they talk to me this way at eight, what will they be like at sixteen?
If my child can't handle this now, how are they ever going to function in the real world?
Those fears don't mean you're doing anything wrong. They're often connected to very real hopes we have for our children. We want them to become capable. We want them to take responsibility. We want them to have healthy relationships. We want them to be able to function in a world that won't always accommodate them.
But fear tends to rush us toward the future.
Values can help bring us back to what we're actually trying to build.
If responsibility matters to me, I can ask what responsibility developmentally looks like for this child right now rather than reacting from fear that helping them means they'll never become responsible.
If respect matters to me, I can get more curious about what I mean by respect. Is respect immediate obedience? Is it speaking to each other with dignity? Does respect move both directions in our family? What do I want my child to understand about respect when they're eventually an adult in relationships of their own?
And that's why getting clear on our values requires more than choosing the words that sound right. We have to think about what those values actually look like in our relationships with our children.
Sometimes the behavior distracts us from the bigger picture
When you're living with a difficult behavior every day, it makes sense that stopping it starts to feel like the goal.
You want the morning arguing to stop. You want your child to stop screaming at their sibling. You want them to stop fighting every transition. You want to be able to say it's time for school without the entire house becoming tense.
Behavior matters. Sometimes it needs immediate intervention. Sometimes there are boundaries that need to be held, skills that need to be taught, environments that need to change, or expectations that need to become clearer.
But behavior can become so consuming that we start making decisions around How do I make this stop? without asking the larger question of What am I actually trying to build?
Those questions can lead us in very different directions.
If my only goal is to stop my child from arguing with me, I may prioritize whatever produces the fastest compliance.
If what matters to me is raising a child who can disagree respectfully, listen to another perspective, advocate for themselves, and remain connected through conflict, then I have a much longer developmental goal.
That doesn't mean I allow my child to speak to me however they want.
It means I'm thinking beyond eliminating the behavior in front of me.
I'm considering what I want them to be learning through our relationship.
Your values give your parenting somewhere to point
Last week, we talked about intentions: deciding how you want to show up when parenting gets hard.
But eventually we have to ask where those intentions come from.
Why do you want to remain curious?
Why does connection matter?
Why are you holding this particular boundary?
Why are you asking your child to persist here but choosing flexibility somewhere else?
There isn't one universal list of values that every family needs to choose. And even families who use the same words may mean very different things by them.
What's useful is becoming more conscious of what is actually guiding you.
Because there will be moments when your child's reaction makes you question yourself. There will be parenting advice that sounds convincing but doesn't sit right with you. There will be situations where two things you care about seem to compete with each other. There will be seasons when something that worked before no longer fits the child in front of you.
Values don't remove that complexity.
They give you something to orient yourself toward inside of it.
And perhaps that's the more useful question when you're deciding how to respond to your child's behavior.
Not only, How do I get through this moment?
But also, What matters to me here, and what am I hoping my child experiences and learns through the way I lead them?
Because we're not only trying to raise children who behave well in front of us.
We're raising people who will eventually carry what they've learned about themselves, relationships, responsibility, conflict, boundaries, compassion, and respect into a life of their own.
There are probably disruptive parts to your day with your child that you can predict before they even happen. You know which demand is most likely to bring resistance. You know what happens when it's time to turn off the iPad. You know that going to fun places can go beautifully right up until the moment you say it's time to get in the car. You may even find yourself bracing before you've asked your child to do anything because you've lived some version of this moment enough times to know where it could go. And when you expect something to be hard, it's natural to start thinking about what you want to happen. I need him to get through homework without melting down. I need her to stop whining when it’s time for her chores. I really don't want another fight about this today. Those are understandable goals. But they all have something in common: their success depends, at least partly, on another person's behavior. I've started thinking much more about what happens when we enter those same moments with an intention instead. Goals and intentions aren't the same thing Goals are useful. I have them in parenting, homeschooling, my work, and plenty of other areas of my life. But goals usually point us toward an outcome we're trying to reach. We want to finish the homeschool lesson. We want everyone out the door by 9:00. We want our child to learn to speak respectfully when they're angry. We want bedtime to become easier. We want siblings to make it through playtime without fighting. The difficulty comes when we unconsciously turn those outcomes into the measure of success. If the lesson ended in a meltdown, I failed. If my child screamed when I held the boundary, I must have said it wrong. If they refused to get into the car, my approach didn't work. If I stayed calm and they still escalated, what was the point? Parenting becomes especially frustrating when we're measuring ourselves by an outcome we don't actually control. Your influence matters tremendously. You can teach, lead, structure the environment, hold boundaries, offer support, adjust expectations, protect safety, and build skills over time. But your child is still a separate human being with their own nervous system, thoughts, preferences, developmental capacities, emotions, and choices. An intention brings your attention back to the part of the interaction that actually belongs to you. Who do I want to be when this gets hard? Imagine that you're about to start a lesson your child has been resisting all week. You could walk into it focused almost entirely on getting through the work. You may already be watching for signs that your child is going to refuse, calculating how much you need to finish, and thinking about what you'll do if they won't cooperate. Without realizing it, your nervous system may already be preparing for a battle that hasn't happened yet. An intention changes the question. Instead of wondering, How am I going to get through this lesson? , you begin deciding, How do I want to show up while we're doing it? Maybe you want to remain curious when your child struggles instead of immediately assuming they're avoiding the work. Maybe you want to be flexible enough to notice when something genuinely isn't working. Maybe you want to lead confidently without becoming controlling. Maybe you want to remember that your child's frustration isn't evidence that you're doing something wrong. The intention doesn't tell you exactly what will happen. It doesn't guarantee cooperation. It doesn't make your child suddenly love long division. What it can do is give you somewhere to return when the moment becomes difficult. Because the hard moment changes us, too It's much easier to imagine the parent we want to be when everyone is regulated. Most of us aren't standing in the kitchen alone thinking, You know what I really want to do today? Lose my patience over handwriting. The difficulty is that your child's behavior affects you. When your child rolls their eyes after you've explained something for the third time, refuses the request you were sure was reasonable, screams that they hate homeschool, or falls apart over something that seems incredibly small, your nervous system is receiving information too. Your own history, fears, expectations, beliefs about respect, worries about your child's future, and even what else has happened that morning can suddenly become part of the interaction. You aren't responding from a parenting book. You're responding as a human being inside a relationship with another human being. That's one reason intention can be so powerful. You're making a decision about how you want to participate in the relationship before you're relying on your most activated self to figure it out. That doesn't mean you'll always do it. You won't. Neither will I. But there's a meaningful difference between expecting yourself to magically respond well in every difficult moment and having already spent time considering the kind of parent you want to practice becoming . Intention gives you another way to measure the moment This has changed the way I think about success in parenting. If my only measure is my child's response, I can do something I'm genuinely proud of and still decide I failed because my child remained upset. Maybe I listened. Maybe I stayed grounded. Maybe I held a boundary that needed to be held without shaming or threatening. Maybe I noticed that what looked like defiance was actually overwhelm and changed the task. Maybe I realized safety required me to intervene immediately and did that calmly and confidently. My child still might not like what happened. They may cry. They may be angry with me. They may need more time than I wish they needed. They may not make the choice I hoped they'd make. An intention lets me ask a different set of questions afterward. Did I show up in a way that aligned with the parent I want to be? Did I stay connected to what mattered to me even when the interaction became uncomfortable? When I got pulled away from that, did I notice? Could I repair? That creates room for accountability without requiring perfection. Because setting an intention isn't promising yourself that you'll never yell again, never become triggered, or always know exactly what your child needs. If we turn intentions into another standard we can fail, we've missed what makes them useful. They're a direction. You don't have to wait for the hard moment to decide So much of parenting can feel reactive, especially when you're homeschooling a child with big behaviors and emotions. You're solving the problem in front of you while also trying to teach, feed people, answer questions, manage transitions, regulate yourself, support your child, and somehow remember where somebody put the math book. It makes sense that we fall into automatic patterns. But we don't have to leave every decision about who we want to be until the moment we're already overwhelmed. Before the homework starts, before you leave for co-op, before you tell your child screen time is over, before you walk into a part of the day that regularly stretches both of you, you can begin thinking about the part of that interaction that actually belongs to you. Not How do I make sure this goes well? But How do I want to show up, even if it doesn't? Your child will still have their own experience. You will still have yours. There will still be moments you handle beautifully and moments you wish you could redo. But over time, those small decisions about how you want to participate in the relationship begin to shape something much bigger than a single difficult homeschool day. They begin to shape the parent you're becoming.
If you homeschool in Florida and use a Step Up For Students scholarship, you may have noticed something confusing: PEP and FES-UA are both scholarship programs, but their annual education requirements are not the same. This is especially important if you are trying to figure out whether you need a homeschool evaluation, a standardized test, a portfolio, or some combination of these. The first thing to understand is that your scholarship program and your educational enrollment option are not necessarily the same thing. The difference between PEP and FES-UA The Personalized Education Program (PEP) is a scholarship program in which the student is registered with a Scholarship Funding Organization rather than with the local school district as a home education student. The Family Empowerment Scholarship for Students with Unique Abilities (FES-UA) is also a scholarship program, but FES-UA students may participate through different educational options, including a Florida home education program. That distinction is important because the annual assessment requirements are different. What are the annual requirements for PEP? If your child is participating in PEP , you do not complete the Florida home education annual evaluation simply because you are homeschooling. Instead, PEP has its own annual assessment requirements. Step Up For Students states that PEP students must take a Florida Department of Education-approved norm-referenced assessment or the applicable statewide assessment, and the results must be submitted to the Scholarship Funding Organization through EMA. PEP families also have an annual Student Learning Plan (SLP) requirement. So, for PEP: PEP annual assessment ≠ Florida home education portfolio evaluation. This is one of the most important distinctions for PEP families to understand. Do PEP families file a Letter of Intent? No. Because PEP is distinct from a Florida home education program, PEP students do not establish their educational status through a district Letter of Intent. Florida Department of Education guidance specifically states that PEP students are registered with the Scholarship Funding Organization rather than the school district. Step Up For Students also instructs families who transition from a home education program to PEP to terminate their home education program once the PEP scholarship is funded. What about FES-UA? FES-UA works differently. A child receiving FES-UA can participate through a Florida home education program . The current FES-UA handbook states that a home education program is one of the options that can satisfy Florida's regular school attendance requirement, provided the parent has filed a Letter of Intent with the local school district. If your child is participating as a home education student , Florida's home education requirements still apply. That means the family must follow the requirements under Florida Statute 1002.41, including maintaining the required portfolio and providing an annual educational evaluation. So does a FES-UA child need an annual evaluation? If the child is participating through a Florida home education program , yes, the home education annual evaluation requirement still applies. Florida law gives home education parents several evaluation options, including: A portfolio evaluation by a Florida-certified teacher A nationally norm-referenced achievement test administered by a certified teacher A state assessment administered under the conditions specified in the law An evaluation by a licensed psychologist Another valid measurement tool mutually agreed upon by the parent and superintendent Step Up For Students also identifies annual home education evaluation fees as an eligible FES-UA expense, subject to the program's requirements.
If you are getting ready to homeschool in Florida, one of the first questions you may have is: “Do I need to tell my school district?” “When do I file a Letter of Intent?” “Where do I send it?” If you are establishing a Florida home education program , you do need to notify your local school district. But the process is much simpler than many parents expect. What is a Letter of Intent? A Letter of Intent is the written notice you provide to your local school district stating that you intend to establish and maintain a home education program. Florida Statute 1002.41 requires the notice to be: In writing Signed by the parent Submitted to the superintendent of the county where you live Include the full legal names, addresses, and birthdates of the children who will be enrolled in the home education program The district must accept the notice and register the home education program when it receives it. When do I need to file my Letter of Intent? Florida law says the notice must be filed within 30 days of establishing the home education program . You do not need to wait until the beginning of a traditional school year. If you decide to begin homeschooling during the year, the same 30-day requirement applies. Once the district receives your notice, the district registers your home education program. Where do I send the Letter of Intent? Your Letter of Intent goes to the school district where you reside , not to the Florida Department of Education. The Florida Department of Education specifically directs families to contact their local district home education office for Letters of Intent and other home education records. Each district may provide its own form or instructions for submitting the notice. For example, Miami-Dade County Public Schools provides an optional Home Education Program Notice of Intent form. While you can send a written letter, the Letter of Intent can be as simple as an email with the required information or completed template such as the one we provide here . What happens after I file the Letter of Intent? Once the district receives your Letter of Intent, you will be notified with confirmation of that record, and your home education program is registered with the district. From there, Florida's home education requirements include maintaining your portfolio and completing an annual educational evaluation. Your portfolio is your family's educational record. Florida law requires it to include a contemporaneous log of educational activities and reading materials, along with samples of writings, worksheets, workbooks, or creative materials used or developed by your child. The parent determines the portfolio's content and must preserve it for two years. What if I have a PEP scholarship? This is where things can get confusing. PEP is not a Florida home education program. PEP students are registered with a Scholarship Funding Organization rather than with their local school district. Florida Department of Education guidance specifically states that PEP is distinct from the home education program established under Florida Statute 1002.41. If your child receives PEP funding, you should not file a Letter of Intent to establish a home education program . If you were previously registered as a home education student and then receive PEP funding, Step Up For Students says you must terminate the home education program and/or withdraw from public/private schooling in order to receive your scholarship funding. This distinction is important because your annual requirements change depending on which educational option you are using. What about FES-UA? FES-UA is different from PEP. A child receiving the Family Empowerment Scholarship for Students with Unique Abilities (FES-UA) may participate through a Florida home education program. The current FES-UA handbook specifically lists a home education program as one of the options that can satisfy the state's regular school attendance requirement, provided the parent has filed a Letter of Intent with the local district. So, if your child has FES-UA and is participating as a home education student , you will file a letter of intent with your district. A little about the work I do I'm Amy, a Florida-certified teacher, parenting coach, and former special education teacher with more than 15 years of experience working with children. Through The Empowered Parent, I provide Florida homeschool evaluations and also support homeschool families navigating big emotions, challenging behaviors, motivation struggles, and learning differences. I work with families throughout Florida virtually, so you do not have to find an evaluator in your own county. My goal with evaluations is to make the process clear and manageable while respecting the fact that every homeschool and every child looks different. What should I do first? If you are establishing a Florida home education program, start by contacting your local school district's home education office and submitting your Letter of Intent within 30 days of beginning your home education program. You can download a template here . Then, make sure you understand the portfolio and annual evaluation requirements so you are not scrambling at the end of the year. If you are unsure whether your child is considered a home education student, PEP student, or FES-UA student participating through home education , that distinction is worth sorting out before you file paperwork. You can explore my Florida homeschool evaluation resources here . And if you are already enrolled in a Florida home education program and need an evaluator, you can learn more about my virtual homeschool evaluations here: https://www.theempoweredparent.us/homeschool-evaluations
If you homeschool in Florida and use Step Up For Students, it can be surprisingly easy to get confused about what you're supposed to do at the end of the year. Do you need a portfolio evaluation? A standardized test? Do you send something to your school district? Do you upload something to Step Up? And what happens if your child is enrolled through an umbrella school? The answer depends on something that isn't always obvious: How is your child legally enrolled? Two families may both say, "We homeschool and use Step Up," while having completely different annual requirements. Understanding which category your child falls into can save you from completing the wrong requirement or discovering at evaluation time that your school district doesn't actually have your child registered in Home Education. First: "Homeschooling" Doesn't Always Mean Home Education In everyday conversation, we use "homeschooler" to describe children who learn primarily at home. Legally, however, Florida families can educate at home through several different enrollment structures. Your child might be: registered with your school district in a Florida Home Education Program; participating in the Personalized Education Program (PEP); enrolled in a private school, including some schools commonly referred to as umbrella or cover schools; or using FES-UA while enrolled either in Home Education or an eligible private school. Those distinctions matter because they determine which organization is responsible for your child's enrollment and what annual requirements apply. Traditional Florida Home Education If you establish a Home Education Program under Florida law, you file a Notice of Intent with the superintendent in the county where you live. The district registers the Home Education Program for purposes of complying with Florida's attendance requirements. A Home Education Program is not a school district program. Each year, the parent must provide an annual educational evaluation demonstrating educational progress appropriate to the student's ability. Florida provides several options for meeting this requirement, including a portfolio evaluation completed by a Florida-certified teacher. The annual evaluation is filed with your local school district. So, in the simplest terms: Home Education Program → registered with your district → annual evaluation submitted to your district. If you believe you're enrolled in Home Education but your district says it has no record of your child, that's something you'll want to resolve with the district's Home Education office. What Changes if You Use PEP? The Personalized Education Program, commonly called PEP, is different from a Florida Home Education Program. PEP students are registered through their Scholarship Funding Organization (SFO), not through their local school district as Home Education students. In fact, a student transitioning from a district-registered Home Education Program to PEP should terminate their Home Education status with the district. PEP also has its own annual requirements. PEP students must complete an approved annual assessment, such as a nationally norm-referenced assessment or statewide assessment, and submit the required results to Step Up For Students. Families also complete an annual Student Learning Plan (SLP). A portfolio evaluation is not required nor should one be submitted to your school district, as your student is not registered in your district when using PEP. In simple terms: PEP → registered through the scholarship program → annual assessment submitted to Step Up What About FES-UA? FES-UA, the Family Empowerment Scholarship for Students with Unique Abilities, is a scholarship. It does not by itself tell you whether your child is legally enrolled in Home Education or private school. For the 2026–27 school year, Step Up states that an FES-UA student must meet Florida's attendance requirement by being enrolled in either: an eligible private school, or a Home Education Program for which the parent has filed a Letter of Intent with the local school district. FES-UA + Home Education If your child uses FES-UA and is registered with your district as a Home Education student, you continue following Florida's Home Education requirements. That includes your annual educational evaluation. A certified-teacher portfolio evaluation is one of the options available to you, and the completed evaluation is filed with your local school district. So: FES-UA + Home Education → registered with district → annual evaluation goes to district. FES-UA + Private School An FES-UA student is instead enrolled in an eligible private school. If your child is legally enrolled in a private school, the private school is responsible for the student's private-school enrollment and attendance requirements. Your family must also follow the applicable requirements of the FES-UA scholarship program. For FES-UA students in grades 3–10 attending an eligible private school with scholarship funds, the current FES-UA handbook requires an approved standardized assessment and identifies several ways the requirement may be met, including: - a nationally norm-referenced test; - a statewide assessment; or - an annual educational evaluation under Florida Statute §1002.41(1)(f). The current handbook also provides an exemption from standardized testing when standardized testing is not appropriate for a student's disability. STEP UP HANDBOOK HUB So: FES-UA + Private School → enrolled with the private school → follow the FES-UA annual assessment requirements; documentation is submitted according to Step Up's current requirements. What About an Umbrella School? "Umbrella school" is a term homeschool families commonly use for certain private schools that enroll students who receive much or all of their instruction at home. However, "umbrella school" is not the legal category that determines your requirements. What matters is how the organization legally enrolls your child. If your child is enrolled as a private-school student, your child may learn at home while legally being a private school student rather than a student in a Home Education Program under Florida Statute §1002.41 . In that situation, you generally follow the requirements that apply to that private-school enrollment rather than the annual evaluation requirements of a district-registered Home Education Program. If your child also receives a scholarship such as FES-UA, be sure to check the requirements for FES-UA students enrolled in private school, including any applicable annual assessment requirements. The Question I Want Every Florida Homeschool Parent to Ask Instead of starting with: "Do homeschoolers need an evaluation?" start with: "How is my child legally enrolled?" Then ask: 1. Am I registered with my county's Home Education office? If yes, you should have an active Home Education Program with the district and will submit an annual evaluation. 2. Is my child a PEP student? If yes, PEP has its own annual assessment and SLP requirements, and your child can not be registered as a traditional Home Education student with the district. 3. Does my child use FES-UA? If yes, determine whether the student is participating through Home Education or an eligible private school. 4. Is my child enrolled in an umbrella or cover school? Find out whether that organization is your child's legal private school. If so, don't assume traditional Home Education requirements apply simply because instruction happens at home Before You Schedule an Evaluation If you're planning to use a certified-teacher portfolio evaluation, I recommend confirming one simple thing first: Is my child currently registered with my county as a Home Education student with my district? If you're unsure, contact your county's Home Education office before evaluation time. This is especially worth checking if your family has: switched scholarship programs; moved between PEP and FES-UA; enrolled in or withdrawn from an umbrella/private school; previously filed a Home Education termination or withdrawal; moved counties; or changed enrollment options during the year. A five-minute check now can prevent a lot of confusion when your annual deadline arrives. Need a Florida Homeschool Evaluation? I provide supportive virtual portfolio evaluations for Florida families participating in a district-registered Home Education Program. You're welcome to book before your portfolio is complete. I'll keep track of your evaluation timeline, send reminders when it's time to submit your portfolio, and once your evaluation is finished, I will submit the completed evaluation paperwork directly to your school district for you.
I don't teach children the way I used to. And sometimes, when I think about the teacher I was at the beginning of my career, that's hard to sit with. I was young. I was authoritarian. And I was very much under the illusion that being a good teacher meant being able to control my classroom. I thought my job was to get children to do what I wanted them to do, when I wanted them to do it. Even writing that now makes me uncomfortable, because today I see the problem in the premise itself. I was so focused on getting children to do what I wanted that I wasn't asking nearly enough about what they needed. Back then, though, I didn't see it that way. I yelled. I threatened punishment. I took away recess. I moved clips down and put kids "on red." I used time-outs, moved children to the back of the line, had them stand instead of sit, and absolutely used the old "the whole class is going to suffer because one person can't behave" routine. Oh, when I think back. There have been times I've felt deeply embarrassed by the way I handled children early in my career. There has been shame there, too, especially now that so much of my work involves advocating for children to be treated very differently than I once treated them. I've wondered whether that makes me a hypocrite. I've wondered how I can stand here now and talk about connection, regulation, empathy, curiosity, and emotional safety when I wasn't always the adult offering those things. But I've come to realize that changing isn't hypocrisy. Hypocrisy would be continuing to live one way while telling everyone else to live another. What happened to me was different. I learned. I Had to Forgive the Teacher I Used to Be I taught first grade for the first five years of my career. After that, I moved into special education, where I spent the next six years teaching a mixed group of K–5 students with autism, ADHD, cognitive disabilities, and a wide range of learning and behavioral needs. When I started teaching, I knew a lot of things about children. I had gone to college. I had learned instructional methods, behavior management, classroom systems, lesson planning, assessment, and all the other things we decided new teachers needed to know. But no one had really taught me about relationships. No one had taught me to look deeply at the child in front of me. So I didn't. I looked at behavior. I looked at compliance. I looked at whether the lesson was getting done and whether the classroom was under control. I knew how to think about what I needed children to do, but I didn't yet know how to ask what might be getting in the way of them being able to do it. A couple of years into teaching, that started to change. Slowly at first, and then in ways that made it impossible to keep seeing children the way I had before. I started looking at the child. And once I did, so much of what I thought I knew started to crumble. When Everything I Knew Started to Dismantle There wasn't one magical moment when I suddenly became the teacher I wanted to be. It was much messier than that. My beliefs about children, behavior, authority, discipline, and what it meant to be a "good teacher" started dismantling over a period of years. At the same time, I was trying to reconstruct something new in their place. If control wasn't the goal, what was? If punishment wasn't teaching the skills a child was missing, what would? If a child already knew what they were "supposed" to do and still couldn't do it in that moment, what was I missing? And if I wanted cooperation, what would happen if I stopped trying so hard to control children and started building relationships with them instead? Those questions changed my teaching. Eventually, they changed much more than that. But the process wasn't neat. I didn't wake up one morning enlightened and never yell again. I was learning about regulation while still struggling to regulate myself. I was beginning to understand connection while still falling back into control. I was developing new beliefs while old ones were still deeply ingrained. I had to learn how to do something different while acknowledging that some of the things I'd done before weren't okay. And I think both of those truths have to be allowed to exist. I can give the younger version of myself grace for what she didn't know while still taking responsibility for what she did. I can recognize that she was doing the best she knew how to do while acknowledging that sometimes her best still hurt people. I can believe she was a good person without pretending every choice she made was a good one. That's a distinction that has become incredibly important to me. "But They Know Better" There's an irony in all of this that I can't help but laugh at a little now. How often do adults say about children, "They know better" ? They know they're not supposed to hit. They know they're supposed to listen. They know they're not supposed to yell. They know what the rule is. And maybe they really do know better. But knowing and doing are two entirely different things. A child can intellectually understand what they're supposed to do and still not have access to the regulation, skills, impulse control, or capacity necessary to actually do it in that moment. And, well... Apparently adults aren't all that different. For years, there were things I was beginning to know about children that I still couldn't consistently do in my teaching. I knew yelling wasn't helping before I completely stopped yelling. I knew connection mattered before I fully understood how to build it. I knew I wanted to respond differently before I actually had the skills to respond differently. Funny how quickly we demand that children "know better, do better" when most of us can probably point to areas of our own lives where we know better and still struggle to do better. Maybe we're all a little hypocritical there. The difference is that as adults, once we become aware, what we do with that awareness becomes our responsibility. Grace Doesn't Remove Accountability I think this is where I've eventually landed with the teacher I used to be. I don't want to shame her. But I don't want to excuse her either. There are reasons I taught the way I did. There are things I learned growing up, things I was taught professionally, things I wasn't taught at all, and things I simply didn't understand yet. All of that context matters. But eventually, awareness creates responsibility. Once I could see that something needed to change, it became my responsibility to do the work of changing it. I couldn't spend the rest of my career saying, " Well, that's how I was raised ," or " That's how teachers did things ," or " Nobody taught me another way. " At some point, I knew enough to start asking harder questions. So I did. And twelve years after that dismantling first began, I'm still asking them. I'm still refining what I believe. I'm still noticing places where something doesn't quite align. I'm still learning how to become the next version of myself who can meet the students of today and my own child, in front of me rather than relying on what worked, or seemed to work, years ago. I don't think that process ever really ends. I'm Thankful for Her, Too For long time, I wanted to distance myself from the teacher I used to be. I still feel that once in a while. But something I have space for now that I didn’t before: I'm thankful for her. I'm thankful for the young teacher who walked into a first-grade classroom and did really hard things that the older version of me might look at now and wonder how on earth she managed. I'm thankful for how much she cared, even when she didn't yet know how to translate that care into the kind of connection children needed. I'm thankful she was willing to have what she believed dismantled instead of clinging to it simply because admitting she was wrong was uncomfortable. And I'm really thankful she changed. Because her willingness to change is part of the reason I get to keep becoming more empathetic, more curious, more discerning, more passionate, and more dedicated to the work of children today. I don't believe authority is about becoming the never-erring adult whose job is to make children do what we want or face the consequences. I want to look at the child now. I want to understand what they're communicating, what they're struggling with, what they need, and what skills they don't have access to yet. I want children to experience adults who can lead without controlling them and who understand that safety and connection aren't rewards children earn through cooperation. They're part of what makes cooperation possible. So no, I don't think changing your beliefs makes you a hypocrite. Sometimes it means you've grown enough to look back at who you were and tell the truth. You can offer that version of yourself grace. You can take accountability for what needs to be owned. You can be grateful for everything that person carried you through. And then you can keep changing. That's what I intend to do.
If your annual homeschool evaluation is coming up and you're thinking... "I forgot to save our work." "I don't really have a portfolio." "Did I completely mess this up?" Take a deep breath. This is one of the most common concerns I hear from homeschool parents, especially those preparing for their first Florida homeschool evaluation. Many families worry they've ruined their chances of completing their evaluation because they didn't save every worksheet or keep a perfectly organized binder throughout the year. The good news is that most parents have more evidence of learning than they realize. What does Florida actually require? Under Florida Statute 1002.41, families enrolled in a home education program are required to maintain a portfolio that includes: A log of educational activities made at the time instruction takes place Titles of reading materials/curriculum used Samples of the student's work The purpose of the portfolio is to document your child's educational progress throughout the year. It is not meant to be a perfectly organized scrapbook or a complete collection of every assignment your child completed. What if I didn't save much Don't panic. You may be surprised by how much learning you've documented without realizing it. For example, your portfolio might include: Books your child has read Writing samples Math pages Science experiments Artwork Projects Nature journals Photos of field trips or hands-on activities Reading lists Digital work completed on a computer or tablet Many homeschool families discover they have far more examples of learning than they expected once they begin looking through the year. What if we don't have traditional schoolwork? That's okay. Homeschool learning often looks very different from a traditional classroom. Some families use: Charlotte Mason Unschooling Online classes Unit studies Hands-on learning Interest-led education These approaches can all provide meaningful evidence of learning. As an evaluator, I certainly have types of portfolio materials that are especially helpful to review because they give a clear picture of your child's progress. At the same time, every homeschool is different. A portfolio should reflect the way your child learns, not force your homeschool into a traditional classroom model. What if I'm missing something? Every situation is unique. If your portfolio has gaps, don't assume you have failed. An evaluator can help you understand whether your materials provide a clear picture of your child's learning and whether there are additional examples that may be helpful to include. Many families find the process much more manageable once they know what their evaluator is actually looking for. Supporting Florida homeschool families through the evaluation process I'm Amy, a Florida-certified teacher, homeschool evaluator, and former special education teacher with over 15 years of experience working with children. Through The Empowered Parent, I provide Florida homeschool evaluations and support homeschool families who are navigating big emotions, challenging behaviors, motivation struggles, and learning differences. I know that preparing a portfolio can feel overwhelming, especially if organization isn't your strength or life has been especially busy. My goal is not to look for perfection. It's to understand your child's learning journey and review the progress they've made throughout the year. Every homeschool family has a unique story, and every portfolio reflects that. The most important thing to remember A homeschool portfolio is not about proving you were a perfect homeschool parent. It's about documenting your child's learning. You may find that your books, projects, photos, writing samples, and everyday learning experiences tell the story far better than a stack of completed worksheets ever could. Preparing for your Florida homeschool evaluation If you're unsure what belongs in a homeschool portfolio or want additional guidance before your evaluation, explore these Florida homeschool evaluation resources . If you're looking for a Florida homeschool evaluator and have questions about your portfolio or your family's unique situation, you can learn more about my evaluation process here: https://www.theempoweredparent.us/homeschool-evaluations
Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, many of us stopped believing that play was important. We learned that productivity mattered. Being responsible mattered. Getting things done mattered. Play slowly became something we associated with free time, vacations, or the reward that came after the real work was finished. Then we became parents. Now we're raising children who naturally want to build forts, invent games, chase butterflies, tell elaborate stories, and laugh until their stomachs hurt; all while we're trying to finish the math lesson, answer emails, fold laundry, and remember what's for dinner. It's no wonder play often gets pushed to the bottom of the list. But the more I've learned about child development, the more convinced I've become that play isn't a distraction from healthy development. It is healthy development. Play Is How Children Learn When we think about learning, it's easy to picture workbooks, reading lessons, science experiments, or math facts. Those things certainly have value. But children are also learning when they're pretending to run a restaurant, building an obstacle course in the backyard, creating imaginary worlds with stuffed animals, or laughing through a made-up game that only makes sense to them. During play, children practice problem-solving, creativity, flexibility, communication, emotional regulation, and perspective-taking. They experiment with ideas, work through disappointments, negotiate rules, and build confidence in ways that are difficult to recreate through direct instruction. Play isn't the opposite of learning. It's one of the ways learning happens. Why Play Gets Hard for Adults If you've ever found yourself watching your child play while mentally running through your to-do list, you're not alone. Most parents aren't avoiding play because they don't love their children. They're avoiding play because they're carrying so much. The mental load of parenting can make it difficult to slow down enough to be playful. Homeschool parents especially are often balancing academics, household responsibilities, activities, appointments, meals, and the emotional needs of everyone in the family. Sometimes we're simply tired. Other times, play feels uncomfortable because it wasn't something we experienced very much ourselves. Maybe your childhood was filled with pressure to perform, contribute, or grow up quickly. Maybe adults rarely entered your world of imagination, or maybe being silly wasn't encouraged. Without realizing it, we can begin believing that play is something children do while adults supervise. But children aren't just inviting us to watch. They're inviting us into their world. Why Play Strengthens Connection One of the things I love most about play is that it changes the relationship. When we enter our child's world instead of asking them to enter ours, something shifts. For a little while, we're no longer the parent reminding them to finish math, brush their teeth, or clean their room. We're simply together. That shared joy builds trust. It creates moments of delight that become part of the emotional foundation of the relationship. And perhaps most importantly for children with big behaviors, play often creates safety. When children feel safe, understood, and connected, they're more likely to cooperate, recover from disappointment, and trust our leadership. Play doesn't replace boundaries. It strengthens the relationship that makes boundaries easier to receive. Reclaiming Play I don't think the goal is for parents to become entertainers. Your child doesn't need you to perform for hours every day. Sometimes play looks like saying yes to one more round of Uno even though it’s late. Maybe it's building Legos together for fifteen minutes. It could be laughing together over something completely ridiculous. Or it's letting your child explain the complicated rules of the game they just invented and just going with it. Those moments matter more than we often realize because they remind both us and our children that our relationship isn't built only through correction, teaching, and responsibility. It's also built through delight. As adults, many of us have forgotten how to play. Children have a remarkable way of inviting us to remember. And maybe that's one of the unexpected gifts of parenting. Not just that we teach our children about the world, but that they quietly teach us how to experience it with a little more curiosity, creativity, and joy again.
Anger is a topic that still isn’t talked about enough in parenting. We spend a lot of time discussing behavior, consequences, discipline, emotional regulation, and connection. But underneath so many of the struggles parents bring to coaching is one emotion that almost everyone is trying to avoid. Anger. Sometimes it's our child's anger that feels overwhelming. Sometimes it's our own. And sometimes it's both colliding at the exact same moment. Over the years, I've realized that before we can help our children develop a healthy relationship with anger , we often have to look at our own. The Anger We Learned About as Children Whether we realize it or not, every one of us grew up learning something about anger. Maybe anger was loud in your home. Maybe it came with yelling, criticism, or unpredictability. If that was your experience, it's understandable if anger still makes your body tense today. Or maybe anger wasn't allowed at all. Perhaps you were told to stop crying, calm down, or "watch your attitude." Maybe you learned that good children stayed pleasant, didn't complain, and certainly didn't get angry. Neither experience teaches us what anger actually is. Instead, many of us learned that anger was something to fear, avoid, or feel guilty about. We carry those beliefs into adulthood, often without realizing it, and then one day our child gets angry... ...and suddenly all of those old messages come rushing back. What Is Anger Actually Trying to Tell Us? One of the biggest shifts in my own thinking was realizing that anger isn't something that happens to us. It's information. Like every other emotion, anger has a purpose. It often shows up when something feels unfair, when a boundary has been crossed, when a need isn't being met, or when something important feels threatened. In that sense, anger isn't trying to create problems. It's trying to get our attention. The emotion itself isn't good or bad. It's simply communicating that something needs us to pay attention. That doesn't mean every angry thought is accurate or every angry behavior is acceptable. But it does mean the emotion itself isn't the enemy. The Anger We Experience as Parents As you certainly know by now, parenting has a way of exposing parts of ourselves we didn't even know were there. Most parents don't wake up hoping they'll lose their patience. But parenting can stretch us in ways few other relationships do. We're exhausted, interrupted, and we're carrying responsibilities that often feel invisible to everyone else. And then, in the middle of trying to make lunch, finish homeschool, answer a question, and get everyone out the door, our child melts down over something that feels incredibly small. It's no wonder anger sometimes shows up. The question isn't whether we'll ever feel angry. The question is what we believe about that anger when it arrives. Do we immediately judge ourselves? Do we push it down until it comes out sideways? Or can we become curious about what our own anger might be trying to tell us? The Anger We See in Our Children Children experience anger for many of the same reasons adults do. They feel misunderstood. They feel powerless. Something feels unfair. A boundary gets crossed. They're disappointed. They're overwhelmed. The difference is that children haven't yet developed the skills to recognize those experiences or communicate them clearly. Instead, anger often comes out as yelling, stomping, refusing, crying, shutting down, or saying hurtful things. As parents, it's easy to focus on those behaviors because they're the part we can see. But if we only respond to the behavior, we can miss the emotion that's driving it. That doesn't mean we ignore hurtful actions or lower our expectations. Children still need guidance, boundaries, and accountability. But they also need adults who understand that anger is something to work through, not something to fear. Making Peace With Anger Making peace with anger doesn't mean we enjoy feeling angry. It doesn't mean we excuse hurtful behavior or stop teaching our children better ways to express themselves. It simply means we stop treating anger as evidence that something is wrong with us or with our children. Instead, we begin asking different questions. What's this anger trying to tell me? What need isn't being met? What feels threatened? What feels unfair? Those questions create space. And in that space, we become more capable of responding thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically . And we get to pass this down to our children. Not the belief that they'll never feel angry or that they shouldn't feel angry. But the confidence that anger is a normal part of being human, and that they can learn to understand it instead of being controlled by it. Because when we make peace with our own anger, we're also teaching our children how to make peace with theirs.
If you're participating in a PEP (Personalized Education Program) or Unique Abilities (UA) scholarship through Step Up For Students , you may be wondering: "Can I use my scholarship for my homeschool evaluation?" "Does Step Up cover evaluations?" "How does Direct Pay or reimbursement work?" These are common questions for Florida homeschool families using scholarship funds. The answer depends on your scholarship program and the evaluator you choose. Can Step Up for Students be used for homeschool evaluations? Many Florida homeschool families use their Step Up for Students scholarship to pay for eligible educational services, including homeschool evaluations when offered by an approved provider. Before scheduling an evaluation, it's always a good idea to verify: That your evaluator participates in the scholarship program. Whether they accept Direct Pay , reimbursement, or another payment method. Any requirements for reserving the service through your scholarship account. Because scholarship policies and approved providers can change, families should also check the current guidance provided by Step Up For Students. What is the difference between Direct Pay and reimbursement? The payment process depends on how the evaluator participates in the scholarship program. Some evaluators use Direct Pay , which allows eligible families to reserve the service through their scholarship account without paying out of pocket. Other evaluators may not accept Direct Pay, and instead require out-of-pocket payment at the time of service, with families requesting reimbursement afterward if the expense is eligible under their scholarship. If you're unsure whether your evaluation will be paid through Direct Pay or reimbursement, ask your evaluator before booking so you'll know exactly what to expect. How does Direct Pay work? If your evaluator accepts Direct Pay, the process is pretty straightforward. Families log into their child's Step Up For Students account, search for the provider, and reserve the evaluation service using available scholarship funds. Because each provider's process may vary slightly, it's important to follow the instructions provided by your evaluator and complete any required reservation steps before the evaluation. How does reimbursement work? If your evaluator does not accept Direct Pay, you'll typically pay for the evaluation out-of-pocket and then seek reimbursement within your scholarship portal. Your evaluator will need to provide the invoice or receipt for the service. Then you can submit your reimbursement request through your Step Up For Students EMA account. Typically, the invoice will need to include: The student's first and last name The students Step Up ID number The full date of the evaluation (mm/dd/yyyy) A description of the evaluation services provided The amount charged for the evaluation The name of the Company or individual providing the evaluation service Proof of payment (such as a paid invoice or receipt) Because reimbursement requirements can vary by scholarship program and may change over time, be sure to review the current Step Up For Students handbook before submitting your reimbursement request. Learn exactly what to include on your evaluation invoice: Step Up for Students Family Handbook Hub Supporting Florida homeschool families I'm Amy, a Florida-certified teacher, homeschool evaluator, parent coach, and former special education teacher with over 15 years of experience working with children. Through The Empowered Parent, I provide Florida homeschool evaluations and support homeschool families navigating big emotions, challenging behaviors, motivation struggles, and learning differences. I know scholarship programs can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially when you're trying to understand payment options, evaluations, and homeschool requirements all at the same time. My goal is to make the evaluation process as clear and straightforward as possible so families can spend less time worrying about paperwork and more time focusing on their children. Using your scholarship with The Empowered Parent I participate in Step Up For Students Direct Pay , which means eligible families can reserve their homeschool evaluation through their child's scholarship account rather than paying out of pocket and waiting for reimbursement. I also provide detailed instructions in my Frequently Asked Questions to walk families through the reservation process so you know exactly what to expect. If you're using a Step Up scholarship, I always recommend confirming your evaluator's payment process before scheduling so you understand how services are reserved and paid for. Learn more about homeschool evaluations and scholarships If you're preparing for your annual evaluation or have questions about using your scholarship, explore these Florida homeschool evaluation resources . If you'd like to learn more about my homeschool evaluation process, you can find more information here: https://www.theempoweredparent.us/homeschool-evaluations
If you're preparing for your annual homeschool evaluation, you may be wondering: "What paperwork do I send to my school district?" "Who submits the evaluation?" "What happens after the evaluation is finished?" These are common questions, especially for families completing their first Florida homeschool evaluation. Once your evaluation is complete, there is one final step before you can check it off your list for the year. Understanding what happens next can help make the process feel much less overwhelming. What paperwork is submitted after a homeschool evaluation? After your portfolio evaluation is completed, the evaluator prepares documentation stating whether your child has demonstrated educational progress in accordance with Florida law. Most Florida districts have an annual evaluation form on their homeschool website (i.e. Okaloosa homeschool forms). A few districts do not have a required form, so you can use the one your evaluator provides. This documentation is submitted by the parent to the homeschool department of your school district via mail or email as part of your annual homeschool requirement. The evaluation document itself is the only piece the district needs, not your entire portfolio. Your portfolio remains your educational record and should be kept for 2 years. Do I send my child's portfolio to the school district? No. Your homeschool portfolio is reviewed by your evaluator, but it is not submitted to the school district as part of the annual evaluation process. Instead, the district receives the completed evaluation documentation. Families should continue to keep their portfolio for 2 years as part of their homeschool records in accordance with Florida law. Who submits the evaluation paperwork? This depends on the evaluator you choose. Most evaluators complete the evaluation and provide the signed form to the parent, who is then responsible for submitting it to their school district. As part of my homeschool evaluation service, I submit the completed evaluation paperwork directly to your school district for you. That means once your evaluation is finished, you don't have to worry about which forms to send, where to send them, or whether everything was submitted correctly. Because every evaluator has a different process, it's always a good idea to ask what's included before scheduling your evaluation. What happens after the paperwork is submitted? Once the required documentation has been submitted to your school district, your annual evaluation requirement has been completed for that school year. If you're continuing to homeschool, you'll simply repeat the annual evaluation process the following year. Supporting Florida homeschool families through the evaluation process I'm Amy, a Florida-certified teacher, homeschool evaluator, and former special education teacher with over 15 years of experience working with children. Through The Empowered Parent, I provide Florida homeschool evaluations and support homeschool families who are navigating big emotions, challenging behaviors, motivation struggles, and learning differences. I know that homeschool paperwork can feel intimidating, especially when you're trying to understand legal requirements while also balancing everyday life. My goal is to make the evaluation process as straightforward as possible so families know exactly what to expect from beginning to end. How my evaluation process works When I complete a homeschool evaluation, I don't stop after reviewing your child's portfolio. I also submit your completed evaluation documentation directly to your school district on your behalf, and I copy you on the submission so you have confirmation that everything was sent. That final step is something I provide specifically for the families I work with because I know it can be stressful wondering whether the paperwork was submitted correctly or reached the right office. By handling the submission, I can help take one more task off your plate. Please note that this is a service I provide for my evaluation clients and is not something every evaluator includes. One less thing to worry about Completing your annual evaluation doesn't have to end with uncertainty about paperwork or deadlines. Knowing who is responsible for the final submission and choosing an evaluator whose process works well for your family, can make the entire experience much simpler. Preparing for your Florida homeschool evaluation If you're looking for more information about Florida homeschool evaluations, portfolio requirements, or other frequently asked questions, explore these homeschool evaluation resources . If you're looking for a Florida homeschool evaluator and would like to learn more about my evaluation process, you can visit: https://www.theempoweredparent.us/homeschool-evaluations